My 2024 Review

Welcome to My 2024 review! 2024 will be remembered as a year of change. I am in a state of reflection and awe as I remember who I was when this year began, and who I grew to be by the end. For as long as I can remember I have thought about turning 40 as if the number itself had the magical power to heal my trauma, shame, and decades of programming. I don’t know if it was a thought in my head or a feeling in my gut, but I had a knowing that at 40, everything that went wrong would make sense and everything that went right would make money. When I turned 40 and didn’t have everything figured out like I assumed I would, it became obvious that I needed to make some radical changes.

So This Was 40

With my calendar and photo app open, my 2024 review came together easily. I started the year making money. I was on the clock, so I was sober. I’d consciously decided to drink less this year, if at all, so I started on the right foot- literally and figuratively. I heard somewhere that to ensure a year of good fortune, I needed to start the year standing on my right foot only. I was willing to try anything, the last twenty years or so have been a bit much. If you had asked me mid-year, I’d have said it was bullshit. After just completing the best year of my life, I’ll never start my New Year any other way!

Puerto Rican Birthday

My birthday is a week after New Year’s Day and 2024 was a big one! To celebrate my 40th, a few friends and I went to Puerto Rico. I left a snowy Indianapolis airport on January 2nd for five days in paradise. We spent a boat day snorkeling and checking out the islands. We explored the old castle on the hill and went cliff jumping! I soaked up five amazing Puerto Rican sunrises alone. It was such an awakening time for me. We returned on the 7th, in time for me to celebrate my actual birthday with my kids on the 8th. Birthdays have always been a big deal, but this one felt monumental. I wasn’t freaking out about getting older, I just felt like I was getting ready for something. Watching the sunset on our last night I kept thinking, ‘What’s next? Something is coming.’

I wasn’t supposed to answer the phone, I told myself not to do it. I was strong enough to dodge the first call but answered the second one. It was a Private Caller, but I knew exactly who it was. She didn’t have to call privately, I had unblocked her seconds after I blocked her, and that was months ago. I can see my old self now, her shadow beside her. The healing was incomplete from the last time and our divorce was three days from being final. For months I was filled with regret for answering that call. Now I’m just grateful I answered the call and fell back in love with her one more time. Without that pain, I wouldn’t have the lessons it taught me.

Stupid Cupid

I looked more stupid than Cupid with a head-to-toe rash for Valentine’s Day. The doctors couldn’t explain it. I hadn’t changed any soaps or detergents. It was my nervous system I’m sure. I was keeping secrets and sneaking off. I was lying to everyone to see my ex. My skin was giving me clear signs that I was making bad decisions. It started to clear up at the end of the month, two days after she moved to Grand Rapids to be closer to her new job.

The Luck of Luna

I was determined to make my family whole again, even if it took a little time and distance. By St. Patrick’s Day, my good luck found my fur baby, Luna. I inquired about a chubby little Chocolate Labrador that I found online. The owners responded with a picture of a different chocolate lab puppy with a white yang on her side. They called the white spot an imperfection and I was in complete disagreement. As soon as I saw it, I knew she was meant to be mine. I’ve been seeking balance my entire life.

The Tortured Fool

April didn’t fool me. I saw the downfall coming. An ex is an ex for a reason. All of the reasons we didn’t work before remained. Since Taylor’s new album, The Tortured Poet’s Department would be released on April 19, I broke up with my ex the day. I needed to be able to soak up every word without judgment, (my ex hates Taylor), and I needed to actually grieve the relationship this time.

May I Heal Now?

April showers bring May flowers. April breakups bring May glow-ups. But first, surgery. I had quite a few rough months of unexplained illnesses that included rashes, migraines, a pinched nerve in my back, and stabbing stomach pains that all finally led to my gallbladder being removed. I ended May in pain, but for the first time in years, it was a healing pain.

Tuned In June

Two months before surgery, during Live Nation’s $20 ticket week, I bought five sets of concert tickets. Four of those concerts were in June! It was an exhilarating and exhausting month. I saw Maggie Rogers for the third time! I sang and danced in the rain. As she sang, the rain stopped and the sun shined so beautifully. I meditated with Jhene Aiko, my daughter, and 20,000 other crying fans. We sang and danced as Maroon 5 completed a full circle moment for us, as they were our first couch tour during Covid, (IYKYK). We finished the month in the middle of a stadium as Bryson Tiller sang to at least four generations on one blanket next to us.

The Summer I Turned To Podcasts

July brought the heat, the healing, and hearing something new. Laying in the sun one day, my daughter asked if she could finish what she was listening to before putting on music. It was Call Her Daddy. I hadn’t heard of podcasts. Mia showed me the Podcast app on my phone and the next day I found Jay Shetty, Ed Mylett, and Mel Robbins. The next day I listened to Jamie Kern Lima, Rachel Hollis, and Glennon Doyle’s family on We Can Do Hard Things. On July 30th, I bought my last pack of cigarettes after 25 years of heavy smoking as I planned to quit smoking one last time. July 31st was my first cigarette-free day!

Smoke Free August

The first few days of August were filled with me telling myself it was okay if I wanted to smoke. “You’re an adult and can make your own decisions, but go one more hour,” I said to myself every time I thought about smoking. I still can’t believe how easy it was this time. I’d tried to stop smoking before but quickly used stress as a reason to light back up. I knew this time was different and I knew exactly what I wanted to quit next.

Sensing September

Three months after my daughter was born, I was placed on antidepressants for postpartum depression and Xanax for anxiety. That was 15 years ago. Over those years I had stopped the antidepressants several times over the years, only to restart them again when I needed to feel nothing. I had been tapering down the anti-anxiety meds for a few months after talking about it with my doctor.

I knew I wasn’t depressed, I was very in touch with my feelings, I just wasn’t sure that I was ready to deal with all of the emotions I had suppressed for so long. September marked a year since my brother passed away, and I was determined to avoid numbing out. I started looking for more focused meditations and found the To Be Magnetic approach for the second time. This time though, I paid the fee to see if it was worth my time and money.

Happy Halloween

I don’t think I ever saw Autumn like I did this year. The yellows, oranges, and reds of the leaves and foliage of the Midwest fall are so beautiful. Summer has always been my favorite season because I love the heat, Autumn is a very close second because I love the colors. I started walking around the pond in my backyard in August and completed 300 miles by Halloween. I’ve developed an obsession with trees. I found the first leaf to turn red on my favorite tree and took a picture of it every day until it finally turned brown, crinkled up, and fell to the ground. The leaf sits on my dresser to this day. I promised to do new things that scared me a little, so I threw a Halloween party for my work friends and had the best time.

No Shame November

The beginning of November reminded me how quickly time is moving. My middle baby turned 18. I’m not sure how my children became adults but here we are: Two down, one to go. The “To Be Magnetic” Authenticity Challenge began and I started the self-hypnosis practices that have transformed my healing. I realized that I got over turkey when I got over missing my mom’s family’s holiday events, so this year I made brisket and chicken tacos! It was easily my favorite Thanksgiving so far!

A Magnetic Crystmas

My daughter put Christmas decorations up the day after Halloween so I had been in the full holiday spirit long before December took over. This Christmas was different though. The gifts I had chosen for my aging children felt like investments. Beds, Bedframes, and housewares! My cup was overflowing with gratitude as I was at my highest energy level to date. I was able to buy myself a few gifts and save money for the first time in my entire life.

New Year, New Me

I didn’t have a Word of the Year for 2024. But if I had, it would have been Transformative. In 2024, I shed layers of the old me off. The changes were necessary. I am positive it was so easy this time because I finally woke up. I have been dying trying to outrun my shadow. In 2024, I held her hand. We took walks and wrote poetry. We found my inner child and gave her all the love she deserved.

My Word Of The Year for 2025

I love words. My favorite book will always be the dictionary. But, I didn’t have to go on a word hunt to figure this one out. My word of the year for 2025 is Expansive. I am manifesting my greatest year. I started writing a book. My energy and gifts are expanding as I listen to my intuition more. There is a shift coming again. This time, I’m not scared or anxious. There’s no more depression. I’m growing and healing and I’m so fucking excited for me!