An Ode to Glennon Doyle

Four months ago, in October, I deleted Facebook and Instagram. At the time, I needed to find a way to regulate my nervous system during the election. I was feeling extreme anxiety the second I woke up and reached for my phone. I had a terrible habit of grabbing my phone before I even let my feet hit the ground. Admittedly, my exit was meant to be temporary. Thanks to Glennon Doyle, and episodes like, “Calm News with Jessica Yellin: Stay Sane AND Informed,” there’s no going back now.

The first few days were brutal. Quitting social media was more intense than quitting smoking, everyone is using it. I counted them both in the same way! “Holy shit, I made it 24 hours…three days…one week!”

Every new thing that happened around me would trigger me to want the dopamine hit of social media but I abstained. After the election results came in, I knew I made the right decision. My system was beginning to feel regulated as the world around me was proving its dysregulation more every day.

Then, as I was listening to my favorite podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, A calm wave washed over me. Glennon Doyle left social media too. I’m not alone. Let me explain something about Glennon; we have so much in common that, in another realm, she’s my best friend. Often when listening to her, I think she is telling my story without knowing me.

An Untamed Backstory

I bought Untamed as Covid shut down the world around me. When I saw the book on the Target shelf, I had never heard of Glennon Doyle, but the book called me over, demanding my attention. The cover was both; wild and elegant. I grabbed it without reading either inside cover page.

Before I started the book that evening I had preconceived notions about what Untamed meant. To me, Untamed represented the opportunity to start fresh, to run free, without restriction. To be myself without worry or judgment.

By 2020, I had already spent the last two years completely isolated from my family of origin. I was stuck in a perpetual state of self-judgment. For years, nothing felt real. In an instant, without even reading it, Untamed helped to untame me!

Wild Wild Rest

Mandatory isolation brought a sense of calmness to my life. I had been juggling two or three jobs at once and only managing to get three or four hours of sleep each night. Finally, I was compelled to sit still, rest, and slow down. This time allowed me to connect with my kids on a deeper level and to rediscover myself for the first time since I was a teenager.

With Untamed in my hands, I felt the same rush right after watching Wild; a movie starring Reese Witherspoon about Cheryl Strayed that I had recently rewatched. She set out on her own to hike a mountain- alone. Although I had never seen a mountain, I felt as though I had been hiking alone for years.

A few months later, unexpectedly, and without having read the book, I fell in love…with a woman. For the first few months, I tried to ignore how I felt. Unsuccessful in my attempts, I told her how I felt and we began my first lesbian relationship. It was intense and passionate and everything I never knew I was missing.

Fresh Out The Closet

Often I joke that I came flying out of the closet once I realized I was a lesbian, but honestly, I wasn’t hiding in a closet. I simply didn’t know I was gay. I was convinced that all women found other women more attractive and interesting than men. I’m still surprised this isn’t a widely shared belief.

Mid-Life Spiritual Awakening?

As our marriage crumbled to pieces in 2024, I felt a shift in my body, mind, and soul. I found the We Can Do Hard Things podcast in August at the perfect time. I was inspired to make some changes after a few years of dramatic and traumatic upheaval. As I finalized my fourth divorce at 40, I quit smoking, medicating, and making excuses to stay small in all areas of my life.

Since I began this healing journey, I have healed a myriad of generational pains deep in me. I am not sad today. Or starving. Or keeping score. I am simply being. I finally read Untamed in its entirety and listened to Glennon read it to me in her own words, thanks to Audible.

My soul knew I would need Glennon’s words. Now, after doing the inner child and shadow work that has given me a new lease on this beautiful life, I’m sure that my future self was signaling me to Untamed on the shelf that day.

Regulators! Mount Up!

I have formed a circle of healers. I call them my regulators. At the top of the list are the three people who make the We Can Do Hard Things podcast; Glennon Doyle, her sister Amanda, and her wife Abby Wambach who support me as I realize, I too, can do hard things!

By Crystal Hosea